6 Quick Tips to Deal with Your Child's Fussy Mealtime Behavior

Coach Patty, HealthSmart! Kids
Jul 14, 2024
4 min read

Updated: Nov 7

A child looking away while someone holds a spoon of vegetables to him

Mealtime can be a real challenge for many parents, especially when dealing with picky eating or resistance to trying new foods. It’s completely normal to feel exhausted and frustrated by these daily struggles. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to stay stuck in this cycle of frustration. There are ways to make mealtime easier and more enjoyable for both you and your child!

Here are some of my top behavioral feeding tips to help you get through this trying time without losing your cool.

1. Plan ahead

As parents we often find ourselves in the middle of a mealtime fiasco feeling unprepared to deal with it. If we do a bit of planning and preparation, making sure to structure mealtime settings for success, we can better avoid power struggles with our picky eater and minimize the food time fallout.

To help your kids come to the table ready to eat, try to keep regular mealtimes and snacks. Watch out for them filling up on drinks too close to mealtimes, as this can make them less hungry and less willing to try new foods.

It's really helpful to develop a mindset to manage eating as a behavior, having a plan ahead of time to deal with refusal and meltdowns, while avoiding power struggles with your picky eater.

We also want to be careful not to force kids when it comes to eating and trying new foods because this only increases their resistance and promotes a negative relationship with mealtime and food in general.

2. Start Where You Are (And Where Your Child Is)

Give your picky eater only a very small portion of a new food to start, serving at least one of the same foods that the rest of the family is having.

Let your child know that they can try the new food if they want to, but at this point, the only expectation is to leave the new food on their plate or in their space.

This plan reduces anxiety and tantrums, and allows kids to get used to the new feeding changes. You can increase the expectations for tasting new foods (and eating amounts) after your picky eater has gotten comfortable with this step.

A cute little girl with pigtails eating healthy foods

3. Don’t take it personally when kids have fussy mealtime behavior

Kids don't usually become picky eaters overnight, and there are a number of reasons why they can be so selective with food. Remember, there are two things for sure that kids can and do attempt to control and those are toileting and eating!

No matter how big their reactions, it's not about us as parents. You, as the parent, are in charge of what you're serving, and your picky eater is in charge of what they choose to eat from their plate...if they choose, I may add.

It takes at least 21 days to form a habit. That's three weeks of doing the same thing the same way. To tackle fussy mealtime behavior, stay the course with the feeding changes you are making for your family, while keeping your eye on the prize.

4. Establish the habit of eating together as a family

Even though you can’t force your child to eat, you can establish the habit of eating together as a family.

Research shows that kids who eat meals with their parents and other family members are more likely to try new foods, and they tend to have a more positive relationship with food overall.

Eating together can also help you to better understand your child’s eating habits and eating pace.

We can set a good example by allowing our kids to see us enjoying a variety of healthy foods at mealtime. So try to eat meals together whenever you can, even if your child isn’t eating well, and strive to keep mealtime calm and pleasant while navigating picky eating.

5. Use an incentive program

If your child is fussy at mealtime and just isn’t interested in eating, consider an incentive program. A reward system, like one you might have used when potty training, can work wonders when it comes to encouraging kids to try new foods. For older kids, calling it a 'tasting tracker' is a good way to go. Supporting your child in healthy eating while they also learn about new foods is a win-win!

Remember to start where your child is. This means that if sitting at the table is a problem, you start there and reward them for good sitting, even if they sit for only a short time. When that is no longer an issue, you can give a sticker for leaving the new food on their plate or in their space, and then for 'brave tasting' each new food.

You will be able to gauge when to increase expectations for earning stickers based upon their response. When it becomes very easy for them to earn a sticker for each request (e.g. they leave a new food on their plate during mealtime without fussing), you can up the ante the next time to have them touch or taste the new food.

Depending upon your child's age and level of understanding, you can attach each sticker reward to a 'bigger' reward. For example, for each sticker earned, your child might get an extra story at bedtime or 10 more minutes on the iPad. To keep the momentum going, you can then go for a few days or a week of them earning stickers to translate into a bigger prize like watching a special movie, choosing from the dollar store prize box, or whatever reasonable reward appeals to your child.

6. Keep Trying

I can't stress this one enough. Dealing with mealtime behavior from our kids can be really frustrating, and there are times when we parents want to give up and give in. These tips can help you gain perspective and make some modifications to get through this trying time without losing your cool.

Managing eating as a behavior in a loving yet matter-of-fact way, while maintaining patience, structure, and consistency, can go a long way to help your child develop a healthy relationship with food that lasts a lifetime.