Why Is My Child a Picky Eater? What Helps

Updated: Aug 26

A picky eater girl with breakfast foods on her plate while her mother looks on

If you’re a parent of a picky eater, you know how exhausting mealtimes can be. Maybe your child eats only a handful of “safe” foods, refuses to try anything new, or gets upset around certain textures or smells. You might be wondering: Why is my child so picky? Is this normal? And how can I help without turning every meal into a battle?

You’re definitely not alone in this. Picky eating is common, but it’s not always just about being stubborn or picky for the sake of it. Often, there’s a deeper story involving sensory sensitivities, anxiety, and a need for control.

As both a parent and a clinician, I’ve worked with many families navigating these challenges. What I’ve learned—and what I share in my book—is that understanding the why behind picky eating is the key to helping your child develop a healthier relationship with food.

Picky Eating Isn’t Just “Phase” or “Fussiness”

Many parents hear phrases like “kids will grow out of it” or “just make them eat.” But picky eating can be more complex. For some kids, it’s about sensory processing differences—the way their brain interprets touch, taste, smell, and texture. What might be a neutral or even pleasant experience for one child could be overwhelming or unpleasant for another.

During times of change or stress—like the back-to-school season—these sensitivities often feel more intense. New routines, noisy cafeterias, different foods, and less parental control can make a child’s anxiety about food spike. You might notice your child eating less in the morning before school or refusing the lunch you packed.

This isn’t a reflection on your parenting. It’s your child communicating discomfort and trying to find safety in an unpredictable environment.

Why is My Child a Picky Eater? How Sensory Issues Affect Picky Eating

If you’ve ever wondered why your child refuses certain foods no matter how many times you offer them, the answer may lie in their sensory system—not in stubbornness or willfulness.

Many picky eaters have underlying sensory sensitivities that affect how they experience food. For these kids, eating isn’t just about taste—it’s a full-body sensory experience that can quickly become overwhelming.

Common Sensory Sensitivities in Picky Eaters

Some children have heightened sensitivity in one or more of their senses, which can lead to strong food aversions. Here are a few examples:

Disliking certain textures, such as slimy (like cooked spinach), crunchy (like raw carrots), or mushy (like mashed potatoes)
Being overwhelmed by strong smells or bold flavors, such as onions, vinegar, or spicy seasonings
Reacting negatively to food sounds, including the crunch of chips or the slurping of soup—both from themselves or others at the table
Preferring food at very specific temperatures, like only eating cold cheese or room-temperature pasta
Sticking to one consistency, such as only tolerating crunchy foods or soft foods but not both

To a sensory-sensitive child, these triggers can cause real distress. A food that seems mild to you may feel unbearably spicy or slimy to them. That distress can result in gagging, tantrums, or flat-out refusal to try new foods.

Why "Just One Bite" Doesn't Always Work

When your child’s sensory system is in overdrive, asking them to "just try it" can feel like asking them to jump off a cliff. They may experience real panic, discomfort, or even nausea. That’s why repeated pressure often backfires—making your child more resistant over time.

This isn't about being difficult. It's about survival. Their brain is working overtime to protect them from what it perceives as a threat—even if that threat is a spoonful of applesauce.

Understanding Brings Progress

Once you begin to view your child’s picky eating through a sensory lens, everything starts to make more sense. It’s not that your child won’t eat certain foods—it’s that, in the moment, their sensory system can’t handle those foods.

This shift in perspective allows you to move from frustration to compassion—and from power struggles to progress. By identifying and respecting your child’s sensory boundaries, you can begin to gently expand their comfort zone through positive experiences, not pressure.

What Really Helps: Building Trust and Safety Around Food

One of the biggest mindset shifts I recommend is moving away from “getting your child to eat” toward “helping your child feel safe around food.” This subtle change opens up new possibilities.

In my own parenting journey and through my clinical work, I found that offering consistent, low-pressure exposure to new foods—without bribes, punishments, or power struggles—makes a huge difference over time. It’s about patience, connection, and gently expanding comfort zones.

How to Support Your Picky Eater During Back-to-School Season

Back-to-school can be especially challenging because it disrupts routines and adds new stressors. Here are some gentle strategies that can help:

Practice school lunches at home: Set up a lunch tray or bento box with familiar and new foods. Let your child explore them without pressure to eat. The goal is familiarity, not consumption.
Keep mornings simple: Offer one “safe” breakfast food alongside a small taste of something new, without forcing them to try it.
Validate feelings: Acknowledge your child’s feelings about food and school transitions. Saying “I know this is hard” can reduce anxiety.
Communicate with teachers or caregivers: Let them know about your child’s sensory needs and food preferences so they can offer support during school meals.
Create a calm mealtime environment: Turn off screens and minimize distractions. Your calm presence matters more than anything on the plate.

Make picky eating simpler - grab your copy!

book cover for Build a Better Eater by Patty Canton to help picky eaters try new foods

Get Your Copy on Amazon

What Others Are Saying

“Parents face many challenges, and feeding picky eaters is among the most daunting. Patty Canton’s Build A Better Eater is a must‑read for any parent grappling with a child’s selective eating habits. One of the most valuable aspects of this book is its practicality. The author offers a compact resource that parents can return to for reminders and motivation.”— A Book and a Cup of Coffee

What You’ll Find in My Book

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or stuck, my book, Build a Better Eater, is designed for parents like you. It dives deeper into:

The connection between sensory processing and picky eating - addressing the "Why is my child a picky eater?" question
How to reduce mealtime battles and stress
Scripts and mindset shifts to support your child’s confidence around food
Realistic, practical tips that work for families
Building a healthy, lasting relationship with food for your child

Ready to help your child become a better eater? Grab your copy of Build a Better Eater on Amazon to get started!

One Small Shift to Try Today

Start with low-pressure exposure. Offer a tiny taste of a new food next to something your child already likes, without expecting them to eat it. Let them explore it in their own way—look at it, touch it, or even just notice it on their plate. Over time, repeated exposure helps children become comfortable with new flavors and textures naturally, making mealtimes calmer and more enjoyable for both of you.

You’re Doing Better Than You Think

Remember, picky eating is a common challenge, and there’s no instant solution. Every small step you take—offering a new food gently, keeping mealtimes low-pressure, or simply showing patience—makes a real difference. By showing up consistently, you’re helping your child feel safe, supported, and respected around food. Every small effort counts, and over time, these little victories add up—helping your child move from picky to curious, one bite at a time.